El Loco Libre
Restarting Life At 78
A Pilgrim's Journey
Updated April 13, 2021
The muse has returned, partially, as have I. And so here is a summary of recent happenings, in short form, along with what I have learned.
I present nothing surprising, only that I have once again (a repeated cycle in my life) learned that listening, communicating, forgiving , and loving (all both ways) are the four necessary components of any relationship, especially with one's mate. And perhaps with one's self, also.
There! That's it! There is the secret to relationships, which I present to you for no charge (this time), and you are now free to present this to others and use it in your own life.
For my own part, I plan on actually writing this down and put a copy on the wall above my computer where I present my insights to an unwelcoming and unsuspecting world, knowing all the while that nothing I say makes a difference unless it is taken inside by those reading it. Now, if I only could learn to do that myself, then the circle would be complete and unbroken, and all would go merrily along in a sea of forgiveness, communication, love, and compassion.
Until the next time, when I perhaps may forget some parts of this sermon, only to once again be presented with an opportunity to repeat the process described above, over and over again, in the earnest hope that the next time I will remember "sooner" than the previous time. And to also hopefully learn the power of forgiveness, both ways, earlier in the process.
I tried just now to explain all this to our dog, Giordi, and my wife, Liz, but they both rolled their eyes and told me, albeit in differing ways, that they already knew this, and it was about time I learned it for myself.
So with that in mind, I bid the Reader farewell, and will go now and create yet another website, maybe.
As a way of concluding this website and the other websites listed with links on the opening page of this specific website, I provide the following contents of an email to some of my almost lifelong friends who expressed concern about my being so open. My wife has also expressed misgivings about this, and so I will bow to their wishes and create no further websites on similar topics.
I will say that I created these for myself, as putting down this information so that others might read it worked wonders for me, since issues I had been reluctant to discuss openly were finally laid bare for all to see, should they so choose. Few did, other than those who I notified about the sites. I really selfishly did this for me, it worked, and I moved on afterwards. Unfortunately, not everyone deals with their life issues the same way, but this is how I did it. And so the work is done, in this venue at least, and it is time to move on.
In conclusion, I am copying the email that I sent to all the above people to help provide understanding and closure on this, simply for information and context. And with that, I am complete, for now. Thanks for reading all of this.
(Contents of email to some of my best friends and to my wife:)
It has been gently suggested by some of you that it would be best if I did not engage so much in "feelings" and "emotions" on my websites, as they are personal issues, and it would be better to stick with facts and events. I submit that dealing with facts and events has resulted in what we see daily in our news feeds.
I do however appreciate those suggestions, understand why they were made, and have the following thoughts to offer:
1. I create the websites for me, not for others, and invite others to view them, and if they find something useful, so much the better. I do not seek approval. I prefer communication to subjugation. We all inhabit the same planet and have similar, albeit differing, backgrounds and experiences. I think I have a long sought-after ability to access and express those feelings and emotions and translate them into words. It is a gift that I have used a lot in my life. I try not to inflict them on others, only seek to establish common humanity, which includes feelings and emotions. It is my lifelong therapy, developed at an early age without others input, and I invite others to see if there is any value in them.
2. I apologize if being open with emotions and my unusual history makes any one uncomfortable. But there they are, in full sight, unvarnished. I do not ask for approval, only listening.
3. Further, I think that acknowledging them and then dealing with them openly is the best way for me to handle and learn from them. Some therapists call it "dumping" but that term connotes a lack of responsibility. Emotions which are bottled up and disregarded and stuffed into the far corners of one's minds often lead to what we are now seeing nationwide daily in the awful violence and mayhem among those who do not know how to handle conflicts and emotions, and therefore express them violently. This will continue whether or not those actions are suppressed, and the results will not be pretty nor useful. Emotional immaturity most often results in violence, as we can see daily among those who have not learned this. And of course, we all know that whatever happens to us can most easily be explained as being someone else's fault.
4. Blaming others for our own feelings that we cannot handle never works; it all starts with us and ends with us. History is replete with massive violence due to the inability of men and women to sit alone in a quiet room and deal with their rage, anger, upset, and failures. The daily headlines illustrate this, and this will continue no matter how much money is thrown at the alleged problem.
5. Some people go to therapists if they can afford it with varying degrees of outcomes, mostly unsatisfactory, due to their inability to acknowledge their own responsibility for their feelings. Watch any televised newscast and you can see the results. I for one almost never watch television any more. I think it panders to the lower elements in all of us, alongside the news and information it provides.
6. And so my point is that we deal with whatever conflicts or emotions we have in differing ways, and my view is that anything that comes up to be handled is expressed in some way, and I choose the non-violent way. I am far happier and at peace than I ever was or have been, and I can assure you that my life is far different from the lives of those who engage in violence, whether verbal or physical, in our daily news fees.
7. If what I write makes one uncomfortable, there may be an opportunity in that. Self-reflection is not a weakness, but a strength. How we deal with it is our own responsibility, and no one else's. Blaming others never, never works, in the long run.
8. I further understand that I have gone on at length about this, and I think it is useful to me and others for all to understand that the problems of civilization and learning to live together will not be solved by suppressing what we think or feel, but in being responsible for it and correcting it without harming others.
Thanks for listening.